I have that strong desire to be the person to be always invited. I have even taken dark pleasures in noticing when there were times I was invited and someone else was not to a party. Tonight I was on the other end. I was not invited to dinner/drinks with the sales people and other guest who came from UK.

Waves of vulnerable thoughts hit me first.
'Oh, I am not invited' 'Oh, I must not be as important as I want to be'

Then the anger phase came.
'How dare they not invite me?!', 'I am fucking going to help your event from 0730am in the morning tomorrow and you did not ask me?!'. 'I speak 5 languages! I am so smart, I am better than Alllllllll of you!'

lol, man what a sorrowful monkey I am. Especially the last sentence. The real kick is I am not even making that up. That thought actually came up. I am so much better than you! or I am smarter than you! Beacause of this and that. Sad thoughts. I need to learn that it is my monkey brain that is screaming. Let it scream.

However, in reality it was awesome that I was not invited.

At the moment
(1)
I just had a terrible headache until 2am in ther morning today for drinking too much. + Yesterday's party did not invite anyone from sales. Not all events can include every single person.

(2)
I have to get up at 0630 and get to the office by 0730 in the morning.

(3)
I did not even want to join strongly. It was just that the fact that I was not invited that bothered me.

In hindsight
(4)
I was able to enjoy a great meal/date with my dear wife at ENZO. We wanted to go to that restaurant for quite some time. Also, this week is packed with company dinners. Mon, Wed, Thu all already planned. This was that rare opportunity for you to seize to spend quality time with your wife.

(5)
I was able to spend the evening productively by going to the cafe after dinner, and reading intersting articles that Timo shared, planning Saturday brunch and reminding freinds about the sunday hike.

You don't want to be invited to every party Yeop. The lonley, vulnerable you may screeeam that you need to be. Since you want to be important. You want to be THE PERSON who is included in every group. This is not true. It is just like sugar highs, youtube shorts, and a quick masturbation. Your monkey brain wants it, but you actually don't want it.

Being invited to every party means you have to say no to most of them.
Trying to be an important person to more than a certain amount of people is an impossible mission.

Disillusion

I found the following two quotes especially disillutioning.

Closure

This wasn't the first time that I was not invited to something and won't be the last time. Hopefully this experience reduces the number of vulnerability waves and get me out of the anger rut even quicker.