Born to compete, looking back on South Korean education

I was in my 3rd year of middle school. More than half the kids in the same class were in prep school mode. We all wanted to get into the so-called 외고(Wego), a foreign language high school.

Not particularly that we wanted to study a foreign language, just because this was something that somewhat guaranteed or at least up lifted the possibility of getting into a good university.

I did not fully grasp what I was getting into because it seemed just the normal thing to do at that point of time. I was in the end one of countless kids who hopped on that yellow bus, barely an hour after the normal school classes finished.

The buses (Oh and there were many of those buses) took me and the other kids to Bundang. A near by city, 20-30 kms away from where I lived. It was known to have one of the best private prep schools.

I still remember some key points quite vividly. The site of IBK bank building meant we were almost half way there. The twin residential tower meant there was 5 to 10 if we got lucky with one or two red lights.

Oh boy, I dreaded every ride.
I tried to distract myself with novels and cell phone games but when we passed by those few key points my body would know.

The middle school already had quite the rank system where you will get your rank of each subject on a quarterly basis, but this prep school took it to the next level.

You were tested weekly. The ranks will be taped on big A3 size papers on the wall. If you did not make it into a certain rank for over 2 weeks in a row, you have to change classes. Literally a grade up or down.

That certainly worked for lots of kids. I on the other hand did not do well.

School, home, prep school and they would finish at around 11 pm. When you get back home it is around midnight.

I lasted for about two to three months I think?
That was it I told my parents. I don’t wanna study no more. To be more precise I left them a letter written in word doc one da using that short time I have before getting on to that yellow bus.

Funny thing is my parents never forced me to do it. Actually no body did. However I remember feeling like it is this way or I am ditching my whole life into a gutter.

My parents were kind enough to let me stop going right away after reading the letter. As a matter of fact my life did not get ditched in the gutter. I still believe throwing in that towel did wonders for my life.

What did not leave me though was that programming of competition. I was conditioned over and over and over. From age of 8, you would be ranked on some test from top to bottom. It will be at least hundreds if not thousands of times you get a piece of paper with your ranking written on it.

It is mountain day, my wife and a close friend decided to go on a hike. The hike was wonderful. Getting to take your eyes off the screen for extended periods time is a blessing in this modern day and time.

What caught me out of guard was how a part of me felt every time a person passed by our group. I heard a small voice at the back of my head saying go-go-go you have to go faster, don’t let those people pass you! Don’t you remember you have to be faster! FASTER! FASTER!

Gratefully I was able to shrug that voice off. Enjoy the moment, take it slow, enjoy the scenery and take bunch of pictures of my cute wife in her hiking attire.

However I have to admit there are bad days where I still succumb to that inner voice. The conditioning of competition. To win, get a better number, grade, salary or whatever.

I think it will be a life long quest. Battling my own wiring and conditioning. At least now I firmly understand that the best of times are when you forget about how you are doing something compared to others. You just be in the moment when the best things happen.